How To Fix the Horde and Alliance
Feb. 3rd, 2012 06:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
melredcapNorcumi and I have got it allll figured out. We're not the first to come up with some parts of this idea, but I think we've refined it nicely. >:3
You see, the main problem with the Horde and Alliance in World of Warcraft is, basically, Varian Wrynn and Garrosh Hellscream suck. Varian is a trigger-tempered racist who has had a huge statue of himself built in Stormwind while a quarter of the city still lies in ruins and Westfall is full of starving refugees. Garrosh is a trigger-tempered racist who sort-of-accidentally killed one of the most respected Horde racial leaders, considers non-orcs unworthy to live in Orgrimmar, and is a complete military idiot. (Play through the starter quests for Twilight Highlands if you don't believe me.)
So we were playing WoW one day, chatting back and forth as I ran around playing my new human mage Valentinian. His personality is kind of dark and cynical, and something I said 'in character' sparked off this conversation:
Mel: (Val eyes the giant statue of King Wrynn with disfavour. After seeing the poverty in Westfall and now this monument to one man's ego, the Defias Brotherhood seems much more reasonable...)
Norcumi: :3
Mel: The Defias could TOTALLY recruit Val right now if they approached him the right way. XD
Norcumi: AHmen! And oooo!
Mel: ("mutters* "He should've stayed lost and left his son in charge. Boy has SOME sense.")
Norcumi: I keep hoping panda ninjas do that.
Mel: *blink* wot, kill Varian and Garrosh? I am SO there and applauding if they do!
Norcumi: him AND Garrosh
Norcumi: With popcorn
Mel: Kidnap the both of 'em and make 'em fight in an arena. It's what they really want after all. :P
Norcumi: With or without public hatesex?
Mel: WITH
Mel: WITH WITH WITH
Norcumi: *snickerfit*
Mel: skim a percentage off the bets and *ahem* ladies night viewing fees, and use the COPIOUS cash to rebuild Westfall and the Barrens. :3
Norcumi: Oooo, I'm liking this idea!
Mel: Put Saurfang in charge of the Horde and Prince (King) Anduin in charge of the Alliance
Norcumi: I dig!
Mel: make the Hyjal druids, Ebon Blade, Argent Crusade and other neutral organisations play moderator
Mel: set some firm borders by treaty and ENFORCE them - make each side responsible for policing their own people, with some hefty penalties if they don't
Norcumi: Set up some schools so both sides can learn each other's languages
Mel: and make every single member of the Horde and Alliance armed forces serve at least a year in one of those neutral organisations. Most will go to the Argents since only druids and DKs really qualify for the others XD
Mel: see, we can fix all this XD
Norcumi: Eh, the Hyjal firefighters' auxiliary? I can see this
Mel: sounds good to me :)
Norcumi: Sweet. 1 band of ninja pandas, coming up!
Mel: Ninja pandas are the UNOFFICIAL arbiters of the truce... if people start sneaking around behind the back of the druids, DKs and Argents, they wake up to find an ornamental lucky bamboo in bed with them
Norcumi: WITH THE END BITTEN OFF.
Mel: D8 AAAAAAAAAAAA
Mel: ...or neatly pruned with a shuriken? XD
Norcumi: Nah, eating's supposed to be a pandaren thing. ;)
Mel: true, true
Mel: they go through a lot of bamboo shoots before they get one bitten off *just right* XD
Norcumi: I like yours; it's just genteel. and hee!
Mel: "Brother Wingchun, why do you have your wok out?"
Mel: "Ah... waste is a sin, Master Sifu?"
Mel: "Excellent rationalisation, my son. Carry on."
Norcumi: XD
Mel: Well it's not like he's going to stop him XD
Norcumi: Just demand a small cut. ;)
Mel: That counts as training. "Take the bamboo shoot from my chopsticks"
Mel: A large girth in a Pandaren ninja is a sign of distinction - it means you beat the master to a lot of food XD
Norcumi: *om nom nom!*
Norcumi: "...The noises don't actually help. Or mean that you have succeeded."
Mel: *snarf*
Norcumi: Heee!
What do you think? Have we solved the whole problem? Shall we contact Blizzard and request royalties from the sale of in-game woks and bamboo shoots? ;)
You see, the main problem with the Horde and Alliance in World of Warcraft is, basically, Varian Wrynn and Garrosh Hellscream suck. Varian is a trigger-tempered racist who has had a huge statue of himself built in Stormwind while a quarter of the city still lies in ruins and Westfall is full of starving refugees. Garrosh is a trigger-tempered racist who sort-of-accidentally killed one of the most respected Horde racial leaders, considers non-orcs unworthy to live in Orgrimmar, and is a complete military idiot. (Play through the starter quests for Twilight Highlands if you don't believe me.)
So we were playing WoW one day, chatting back and forth as I ran around playing my new human mage Valentinian. His personality is kind of dark and cynical, and something I said 'in character' sparked off this conversation:
Mel: (Val eyes the giant statue of King Wrynn with disfavour. After seeing the poverty in Westfall and now this monument to one man's ego, the Defias Brotherhood seems much more reasonable...)
Norcumi: :3
Mel: The Defias could TOTALLY recruit Val right now if they approached him the right way. XD
Norcumi: AHmen! And oooo!
Mel: ("mutters* "He should've stayed lost and left his son in charge. Boy has SOME sense.")
Norcumi: I keep hoping panda ninjas do that.
Mel: *blink* wot, kill Varian and Garrosh? I am SO there and applauding if they do!
Norcumi: him AND Garrosh
Norcumi: With popcorn
Mel: Kidnap the both of 'em and make 'em fight in an arena. It's what they really want after all. :P
Norcumi: With or without public hatesex?
Mel: WITH
Mel: WITH WITH WITH
Norcumi: *snickerfit*
Mel: skim a percentage off the bets and *ahem* ladies night viewing fees, and use the COPIOUS cash to rebuild Westfall and the Barrens. :3
Norcumi: Oooo, I'm liking this idea!
Mel: Put Saurfang in charge of the Horde and Prince (King) Anduin in charge of the Alliance
Norcumi: I dig!
Mel: make the Hyjal druids, Ebon Blade, Argent Crusade and other neutral organisations play moderator
Mel: set some firm borders by treaty and ENFORCE them - make each side responsible for policing their own people, with some hefty penalties if they don't
Norcumi: Set up some schools so both sides can learn each other's languages
Mel: and make every single member of the Horde and Alliance armed forces serve at least a year in one of those neutral organisations. Most will go to the Argents since only druids and DKs really qualify for the others XD
Mel: see, we can fix all this XD
Norcumi: Eh, the Hyjal firefighters' auxiliary? I can see this
Mel: sounds good to me :)
Norcumi: Sweet. 1 band of ninja pandas, coming up!
Mel: Ninja pandas are the UNOFFICIAL arbiters of the truce... if people start sneaking around behind the back of the druids, DKs and Argents, they wake up to find an ornamental lucky bamboo in bed with them
Norcumi: WITH THE END BITTEN OFF.
Mel: D8 AAAAAAAAAAAA
Mel: ...or neatly pruned with a shuriken? XD
Norcumi: Nah, eating's supposed to be a pandaren thing. ;)
Mel: true, true
Mel: they go through a lot of bamboo shoots before they get one bitten off *just right* XD
Norcumi: I like yours; it's just genteel. and hee!
Mel: "Brother Wingchun, why do you have your wok out?"
Mel: "Ah... waste is a sin, Master Sifu?"
Mel: "Excellent rationalisation, my son. Carry on."
Norcumi: XD
Mel: Well it's not like he's going to stop him XD
Norcumi: Just demand a small cut. ;)
Mel: That counts as training. "Take the bamboo shoot from my chopsticks"
Mel: A large girth in a Pandaren ninja is a sign of distinction - it means you beat the master to a lot of food XD
Norcumi: *om nom nom!*
Norcumi: "...The noises don't actually help. Or mean that you have succeeded."
Mel: *snarf*
Norcumi: Heee!
What do you think? Have we solved the whole problem? Shall we contact Blizzard and request royalties from the sale of in-game woks and bamboo shoots? ;)
